The vessel we were set upon was certainly not built to accommodate someone of my size, I noted immediately. But, it wasn’t that it was too small, it just wasn’t plenty big. Never having been out to sea before, I had looked forward to it. Having heard many tales from others throughout the years of adventures at sea., I had an image of what life out on the open sea might be like. I soon learned that real life sea adventure really meant trying to keep one’s meals from coming back on them.
Thankfully, the only reprieve from the sickness came when I remembered the small vial that Gillie had given me just before we departed the “Harlequin and Chalice” for the last time. It was during those moments of relief that I could really understand the draw of the sea. It’s breezes were like no other, the sights of the open sea’s expanse was breathtaking and terrifying at the same time. One could imagine how easily it could be to get lost out here and just sail on through eternity.
Sleep was welcomed too, because during my restful sleep, I had many dreams of a life that I certainly wasn’t living. Usually, not openly romantic, my dreams were. Many times, I would fall into a sweet dream of my Tomas. Seeing us together, raising our child and making many happy memories together. It was upon waking and feeling the boat’s rock and sway that reality would come crashing down onto my shoulders once again.
Being out here away from the city of Tok, it was easy to pretend that things were different. It helped to ease my troubled heart to think and day dream of the family life that I wanted. Feeling now that somehow, some way, things will work out, I would allow my thoughts to be as whimsical as they wished to be. I once even caught myself wanting to sway and hum a light tune while I watched the others on board. Most were busy doing this task and that. But their busy buzzing about made it easier somehow, for my imagination to pretend that things were better than they were.
Whatever the outcome, I was not in my own reality during this trip. When we hit solid ground I would force my mind back to practical matters, I rationalized. And there were going to be many realities yet to face that I had no idea of while in this dream of my own creation.