Uncle Ludwig's Old Fashioned Good Time Throat Varnish

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You’re a hard-working adventurer, and you deserve a hard-working refreshment.

That’s why we at Uncle Ludwig’s Old Fashioned Good Time Throat Varnish Distillery And Drain Cleaning Agent Production Facility seek out only the finest ingredients. Uncle Ludwig wakes up every afternoon to strain aroma bitters from his wastewater collection wells. Then, he mixes them with flavor crystals mined by the finest Dwarven vagabonds. And finally it’s mulled over an open campfire for two weeks before bottling to get that signature Ludwig Aftertaste™. What’s the secret recipe? Uncle Ludwig will never tell.

Are you tired of your beverages giving you plain old “natural” recipes that use wheat, corn, grapes, or even potatoes to ferment? Those grow from the ground. Why not just eat a handful of dirt? What are you, some kind of dirt-eating-person?

No, you’re not. That’s why you expect more out of your throat varnish. And Uncle Ludwig will give it to you.

So go and climb that mountain. Slay that dragon. Swim that ocean. And know that Good Ol’ Uncle Ludwig will be waiting for you when you get home.

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Now available in party-sized gallon jugs!

(Do not drink Uncle Ludwig’s Old Fashioned Good Time Throat Varnish if you are pregnant, need to operate a horse in the next 4 hours, or have anything important to do with the rest of your day. Side-effects of Uncle Ludwig’s Old Fashioned Good Time Throat Varnish are uncommon, and include headache, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, vaginal arachnogenesis, dysentery, cardiac arrhythmia, mild heart explosions, missing time, varicose veins, darkened stool, darkened soul, lycanthropy, lobsteranthropy, arteriosclerosis, hemorrhoids, mild discomfort, vampirism, sexual hyperfluidity, and mild rash. The term “Party Size” is for hyperbolic purposes only and should never be consumed unless evenly distributed across a group of no fewer than 300)

Uncle Ludwig's Old Fashioned Good Time Throat Varnish

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